Inferiority
by BlackSpark
Summary: Ever wish you had something you've been denied? Meiling had for most of her childhood; there's more to her than you might have thought.


A/N: OK guys...this is my first CCS fic. I've done Digimon, but I didn't feel as comfortable doing a CCS fic. But inspiration kind of struck one day, which leads me…well, here. I don't know how good of a job I did capturing Meiling's personality, so feel free to tell me if I didn't do it well (constructively, please). Thanks for reading, please review! 

**Inferiority**

**By: BlackSpark**

Meiling's P.O.V

People always assume I've got it together; that I'm confident-maybe overconfident-in what I can do. And sometimes I am. 

But sometimes…sometimes I'm not.

I know what you're thinking. You think it started with Sakura, didn't it? That I got my first flash of reality-that I can't be the best at everything-with her. But to tell the truth, it all started ever since I was little.

The Li Clan...my family…all of them are so powerful, magic runs in their blood.

Except me.

I don't have any magical powers. I'm not like them…I'm…different. It never seemed quite fair; I always felt like the odd one out, like I didn't belong. The only time I could come close to having magic in me was pretending, and that eventually lost its charm when I grew older. Sure, I was strong physically, but sometimes…sometimes it didn't feel like it was enough. Like I should be better, that somehow I was a failure for not having magical powers, even if it was out of my hands.

I covered up how I felt. I acted arrogant because I was afraid the others would sense my feelings and look at them as weaknesses. I wasn't like that all the time; sometimes I really did feel confident. Sometimes I just overlooked it and tried not to think about it…sometimes I'd have little bouts of jealousy, but after seeing how Syaoran and the others just rolled their eyes, I tried not to. I didn't want them to look down on me.

I know sometimes I appear like the type of girl who doesn't really care what people think, and I can be. But there are all types of different sides to me…there's more to me than what others see, even If no one seems to realize it.

When I got older, I began to cover up how inadequate I felt to the point where I had almost forgotten what it had felt like_. Almost_. It was still there…no matter how much I tried to bury it, it remained waiting to be uncovered again one day. And it was.

All the feelings I'd tried to hide burst from the minute I met Sakura. I acted cold at first, but only to cover up how tiny in comparison I felt next to her. Sure, both of us did great when it came to physical things, maybe even somewhat evenly matched; but she had something in her I didn't have.

Magic.

Standing next to her made me feel less strong, weaker than her. I didn't like it, which was why I always was so competitive with her. In a way, it was like my own desperate attempt to catch Syaoran's attention, to prove that I _did have worth with or without magic. And I began to convince myself just that…until I realized something._

Syaoran loved her.

The boy I'd always dreamed of being with loved someone else. He had to break our engagement out of the promise he made; it meant I had to let go of those dreams...forever.

All the confidence that I'd built up crashed in that moment. My heart was broken. 

I didn't feel so strong anymore.

 In my own mind, Sakura was prettier, sweeter, more powerful, more worthy of the attention and acceptance that _I wanted, and just more…special._

 I guess I'm just lucky I'm not always right.

Tomoyo was there for me when I needed her…she comforted me over Syaoran, when I was confused over what I was feeling and what I should feel. She was the one who made sure I was okay. She was the one who helped me get back on my feet, right where I'd left off.

I asked her about it once, why she had bothered to help me, even when I wasn't always friendly to her and Sakura. And she replied with a smile, saying "I wanted your eyes to sparkle again. I wanted to see the fire in you burn like it did before. It suits you well."

You can always count on her to be there when you need her. 

Tomoyo taught me something that day; all of us have the ability to sparkle, sometimes it just takes a while to show. Or sometimes...sometimes our view of ourselves blocks it out, by our own negativity. 

A lot of my childhood was spent feeling inferior, thinking I wasn't good enough, that all I was was a disappointment. But my friends helped me realize that everyone is special…as cheesy as it sounds, it's true. Sometimes it's hard to believe, but we're own unique in our own ways. 

It may surprise you to know all this. Or maybe it won't. To be honest, it did and didn't surprise me at the same time…maybe that doesn't make much sense, but what does? Maybe it didn't surprise me much because I knew deep down that I allowed it to happen. I allowed inferiority get the best of me, to make me concentrate on trying to make up for something that isn't my fault, that I shouldn't _have to feel guilty about. _

I'm not the only one who doesn't have magic running in my veins. Sometimes I feel like I am. But I'm not. I'm not alone in whatever I have to face in the future; I have my friends behind me.

I didn't realize it, but I _was_ accepted and loved for who I was. At least, everyone else did…

But me. 

It's a waste of time to mourn over something you can never have; you have to pick yourself up and move along, using whatever you do have the best you can. Have faith in yourself; don't compare yourself to others, it'll only kill you in the end. It's scary to think what would've happened if I'd kept feeling that way, if I'd still be obsessed with trying to be something I'm not. 

I'll have my time to shine…if I haven't already. Maybe I'm shining right now.

Maybe I just never noticed it.

THE END

A/N: I guess I did..._okay _with portraying her. It's kind of meant to be an older Meiling looking back on how she was. Well, tell me what you think; thanks for reading!


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